The Letter

Back to Adult jokes To My Dear Wife: During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

1. The Sheets are clean	54 times

2. It's too late	17 times

3. I'm too tired	49 times

4. It's too early	20 times

5. It's too hot	15 times

6. Pretending to be asleep	15 times

7. The neighbors will hear us	3 times

8. Headache	22 times

9. Sunburn	7 times

10. Your mother will hear us	9 times

11. Not in the mood	43 times

12. You will wake the baby	17 times

13. Watching the late show	6 times

14. New Hairdo	5 times

15. Too sore	16 times

16. Wrong time of the month	12 times

17. Have to get up early	19 times

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I had finished, and once I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move.


To My Dear Husband: I think that you have gotten things a little confused. Here are the real reasons you did not get more than you did:

1. Come home too drunk and tried to fuck the cat	16. Too busy watching football on TV

2. Did not come home at all	36 times

3. Did not come	21 times

4. Came too soon	33 times

5. Went soft before you got in	19 times

6. Toes in a cramp	10 times

7. Working too late	38 times

8. Have to get up early to play golf	29 times

9. In a fight & someone kicked you in the balls	2 times

10. Caught it in your zipper	4 times

11. Got a cold & your nose kept running	3 times

12. Your coffee was too hot & burned your tongue	3 times

13. You had a splinter in your finger	2 times

14. Lost the notion after thinking about it all day	20 times

15. Came in your pajama while reading a dirty book	6 times

16. Too busy watching football on TV	98 times

Of the times we did get together, the reason I laid still was because you missed and were fucking the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling. What I said was "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?" The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe. Back to Adult jokes