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This guy goes to the pet shop for a Parrot.
"I want one that's a good talker", he tells the assistant.
Sure enough, the assistant sorts him out with a fine, iridescent blue parrot.
"Are you sure it's a good talker?", asks the guy.
"Best we've got", the assistant assures him.
But the Parrot stays quiet. The guy shrugs his shoulders and carries the parrot home.
That night, he brings home a young lady who he's had an eye on for a while. He gives her the business, superb candlelit meal, fine wine, bit of Johnny Mathis.... Then he takes her in to the front room. A kiss turns into a petting session, but as he runs his hand over her stocking-tops to her bare thigh, the parrot squawks "Someone's going to get fucked tonight!". The girl gets up, slaps his face and leaves.
The next night he brings another girl home. Wine, meal, music...on to the sofa...hand up thigh..."Someone's going to get fucked"...slap. He takes the parrot to the Pet Shop.
"Look", he says to the assistant, "you've got to give me something to shut this parrot up."
"I've got just the thing", says the Assistant, and returns with a large owl, which she puts in the cage. The parrot eyes up the owl suspiciously, but says nothing.
That night, the guy rings up a girl he hasn't seen for a long time. She appears bang on eight o'clock, stunning and pouting. Out comes the slap-up meal, the Chianti & the music. They move into the lounge, with the parrot cockily watching. He kisses her lips. She responds. He moves his hands slowly up over her knee, but then.... "Someone's going to get fucked tonight" squawks the parrot.
"Wooo Wooo" goes the Owl.
"..and it's not going to be you either, you flat-faced, feathery fucker!".
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