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There are many dangers lurking in our homes that we, as humans, know nothing about.
Our cats are our protection against these "hidden" dangers. Our cats are ever vigilant and on patrol to save our very species. What are these dangerous creatures you ask? Well, I have a list of a few, but one never knows what our cats will see as a danger to our species. Trust in your cat is all I can say.
I first discovered that my cats were protecting me when, one evening, I returned from dining out to a horrible sight of destruction and carnage. It soon became apparent that my cats had put down a rebellion from the toilet paper while I was away. There were bits of paper strewn all through my home. There were also four very satisfied and exhausted kitties recovering on my bed.
It was then that I began to piece together what had occurred. Apparently the toilet paper had plotted to destroy my possessions, while I was out for the evening, because there was an overturned basket in my bathroom that I know could never be blamed on my feline acrobats. They would never be so uncoordinated as to knock over something decorating my home. I knew then that it must have begun with the toilet paper. My cats, hearing the paper begin its revolutionary action, were quick to put down the rebellion. The paper had apparently resisted and so they had to shred it to ensure it would not rise again.
I was alerted to yet another threat to my safety when I discovered that in the night (after all, rebellions always start in the night, don't they?) that several of my socks were missing or had incriminating teeth marks on them. I had a theory about those socks. I began to research my sock theory and discovered that socks are alive and prone to disappearing. It is a little known fact that socks were created to destroy all living things. Cats were put on earth to stop this from happening. Socks you know wiped out the dinosaurs. Think about it -- you never see dinosaur remains with socks on do you? Dinosaurs were perfectly happy with their existence when suddenly, in the middle of the night, the socks arose and wiped out the entire species. Socks need darkness to do their dirty work. That's why they sometimes become lost in the washing machine. When you shut the lid, the socks awaken in the darkness and attempt to escape. They send scouts into the sewer system to check for alligators, while the rest wait behind for word of the situation. Unfortunately, the wash cycle is too short for them to all escape before you open the lid and let the light in. Fortunately, the dryer lint trap is too small for them to escape through, although some have been known to commit suicide by reverting to their original lint form.
The very blankets on our beds are also dangerous. One night, I entered my bedroom only to discover that my well-made bed was in a state of total disarray. All of the covers were on the floor at the bottom of the bed. Even the fitted sheet was half off the bed, and two of the cats were sleeping comfortably under the conquered sheet. I felt so much safer sleeping in my bed (after I remade it of course) knowing that the rebellious bed clothing had been tamed. However, my Siamese cat felt the need to sleep under the covers, just in case.
It has been rumored that paper towels, sweaters, and occasionally undergarments have also risen in revolt and had to be put down by our beloved felines. This has not been substantiated in my home... yet.
I know my cats are ever alert to danger because they often accompany me to the bathroom to inspect the paper and they always watch it go down the drain to make sure it's really gone.
I, for one, am grateful for my feline SWAT team and hope they may continue to patrol my home for hidden dangers for many, many years to come.
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