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What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted!
What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette?
Artificial Intelligence.
Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
You can park in a handicapped zone.
Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
You have to retrain them.
Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
(rock head side to side) I dunno!
How do you kill a blonde?
Put spikes in her shoulder pads.
Why don't blondes eat Jell-O?
They can't fit two cups of water in the little boxes.
Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
Because red means stop.
Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."
Why do blondes wear underwear?
To keep their ankles warm.
What is the mating call of the blonde?
"I'm SOOO drunk!"
What is the mating call of the brunette?
"All the blondes have left!"
What's the mating call of the redhead?
"Next!"
What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
Her ankles.
What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
"Have another beer."
What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
An interpreter.
What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
Introduces herself.
What's the second thing a blonde does in the morning?
Walks home.
What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
Opens the car door.
What does a blonde say when you blow in her ear?
"Thanks for the refill!"
Why do blondes have more fun?
They don't know any better.
What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
You only have to punch information into a computer once.
What do a blonde and a computer have in common?
You don't know how much either means to you until they go down on you.
Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
They can't dial the 11 in 911.
What did the blonde say when asked "ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
"No, but I've been swung around by the tits."
Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
Who cares?
How does a blonde like her eggs?
Unfertilized.
Why did the blonde only change her baby's diapers monthly?
The box said "For 20 pounds."
What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
"I said....I'M DRUNK!"
How does a blonde part her hair?
By doing the splits.
What do a bleached-blonde and a 747 have in common?
They both have a black box.
Why do blondes like tilt steering?
More head room.
Why don't blondes eat pickles?
They can't get their head in the jar.
Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
That's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side.
Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
Tits Go In Front.
How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
Two...one to make batter and one to peel the M&Ms.
How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
What's the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
They know how many men went down on the Titanic.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
She threw it off a cliff.
Why was the blonde proud to finish her jigsaw puzzle in 6 months?
The box said "2-4 years."
What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
Not everybody has been in a limo.
What do you say to a blonde with no arms or legs?
"Nice tits!"
How does a blonde high-5?
She smacks herself in the forehead.
Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
When they do the splits they stick to the floor.
Why do blondes wear their hair up?
To catch everything that goes over their heads.
How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
69 interrupted by a period.
How do you brainwash a blonde?
Giver her a douche and shake her upside-down.
What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A dope ring.
What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.
Why did the blonde go halfway to Norway then turn around & come home?
It took her that long to figure out a 14 inch Viking was a TV set.
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
What do a screen door and a blonde have in common?
The more you bang them, the looser they get.
How do you describe a blonde surrounded by drooling idiots?
Flattered.
What's the difference between a woman and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
What do you call the skin around a vagina?
A woman!
What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde?
Bucket seats.
What do blondes do for foreplay?
Remove their underwear.
What important question does a blonde ask her mate before sex?
"By the hour, or flat rate?"
Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
To cover up the valve stem.
What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
Spot.
Why did the blonde drown in the pool?
Someone stuck a scratch & sniff at the bottom.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Wonder if it's mine?"
How do you get a blonde pregnant?
Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
Why do women have periods?
They deserve them?
What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
Bigfoot has been spotted.
What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A Space Invader.
What is a blonde's favorite rock group?
Air Supply
Why does a blonde take the pill?
So she knows what day it is.
What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
The back of her head.
A brunette and blonde jump off a cliff. Who lands last?
The blonde...she had to ask directions.
Why did the blonde have a bruised navel?
Her boyfriend's blond too.
Why do women have legs?
To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
What do blondes and cow patties have in common?
The older they are, the easier they are to pick up.
Why do women have legs?
So they don't leave trails, like little snails.
What does a blonde say when she opens a box of Cheerios?
Look...donut seeds!
Imitation of a blonde refuelling..
(Flap hand, blowing air into ears)
How do you light up a blonde's eyes?
Shine a flashlight in her ears.
Why do blondes wear panties?
To keep their ankles warm.
Why do blondes not breastfeed their babies?
It hurts too much when they boil their nipples.
What do blondes say after sex?
Who were all those guys?
Why do blondes drive BMW's?
Because they can spell it.
What does a blonde answer to the question "are you sexually
active?"
"No, I just lie there."
What goes "Vroom-Screech Vroom-Screech"?
blonde driving through a flashing red light.
What do you call an intelligent blond?
Golden Retriever.
Why did the blonde have square boobs?
She forgot to take the Kleenex out of the box. |
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