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ACCESS- What you no longer can do to your credit card, since you went over your limit buying a computer.
BACK UP RELIGIOUSLY- When a computer user says "I back up my fixed disk religiously," it's his way of saying "I don't make backups at all, I just hope and pray my hard disk doesn't crash." This term can also be used to describe the action someone takes when they back up their disk on Sunday, instead of going to church.
BIT- A word used to describe computers, such as "my computer cost quite a bit"
BOOT- What your wife and friends want to give you for spending too much time on the computer
BUG- What your eyes do after staring at the screen for more than 10 minutes. Also what your wife does to you when she gets tired of you spending so much time on the computer, and not enough time on her.
BUS- What you ride to work in now, since you sold your car to pay for that fancy laser printer.
CACHE- What you gave the computer salesman who talked you in to buying a computer.
CHIPS- the fattening, non-nutritional food computer users eat to avoid having to leave their keyboards for meals
CPU- A measure of income, known as Computer Purchasing Units.
CURSOR- What you turn in to when you find out your hard disk crashed
DISK- What goes out in your back from sitting down in a bad posture for several hours a day at your computer, or from trying to move your laser printer.
ERROR- What you made the first time you walked into a computer store to "just browse"
ESCAPE- What your wife wishes she could do ever since you got a computer and started ignoring her.
EXPANSION UNIT- What you call the new room you have to add on to your house to hold your computer and all it's accessories.
EXECUTE- What your family wants to do to you for buying a computer.
FAT- What you are becoming from lack of exercise and eating junk food all day in front of your computer.
FILE- What your secretary does to her nails for 7 hours a day, now that the computer does her work in 30 minutes.
FLOPPY- The condition a computer user's stomach, due to lack of exercise and a diet of junk food
HARDWARE- tools, such as lawnmowers, rakes, and other power equipment that you haven't touched since you got a computer.
IBM- An acronym which means "invest big money"
INTERRUPTS- What your family does to you every time you sit down at the computer to do something important.
MEMORY- What you start to lose since yours is overloaded trying to learn all those new commands.
MEMORY MODEL- Those GIF pictures of pretty girls you've been looking at on your PC.
MENU- What you'll never see again, because you're too broke to eat at a restaurant
since you bought a computer.
MIPS- The male version of PMS
MODEM- Slang- used to request more, such as "gimme mo'dem thar nuts"
MOTHERBOARD- What a daughterboard turns in to after you insert a male D-connector (or joystick cord) into a female D-connector a few times.
NODE- A verb, meaning "was aware of, as in "I node about it"
PROGRAMS- Those shows you used to watch on television before you connected it to your computer to use a monitor.
PROCESSOR SPEED-The rate at which your computer falls to the pavement after you throw it out your third-floor window. Also see Windows.
RAM- What you do with your fist to the side of your computer when it won't work properly.
RETURN- What you wish you could do with your computer if the store would let you.
SYNTAX- A new tax the government created to get you when you're having fun doing something you shouldn't.
TERMINAL- A place where you can find buses, trains, and great deals on hot computers.
UPGRADE- What the computer salesman did to his standard of living after you walked out of the store with your new computer.
WINDOWS- What you throw your computer out of after it erases a program that took you 2 months to write. Also see processor speed.
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