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Q: What do you call an elephant with a machine gun?
A: Sir.
Q: What do you call an elephant wearing pink earmuffs and a dress?
A: Anything you want, it can't hear you.
Q: Why do elephants drink so much?
A: To try to forget.
Q: What's gray, yellow, gray, yellow, gray, yellow, gray, yellow, gray, yellow,
gray, yellow?
A: An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth!
Q: Why did the Elephant stand on the marshmallow?
A: So she wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate.
Q: How do you get down from an elephant?
A: You don't, you get down from a duck.
Q: Why is an elephant big, gray, and wrinkly?
A: Because, if it was small, white and smooth it would be an Aspirin.
Q: What's gray and white on the inside and red on the outside?
A: An inside out elephant.
Q: What's gray and white on the inside and red and white on the outside?
A: Campbell's Cream of Elephant soup.
Q: What is gray and not there.
A: No elephants.
Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.
Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
A: No, not with a red elephant gun. You strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you shoot a green elephant?
A: Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Ever seen a yellow elephant?!!!
Q: Why are elephants wrinkled?
A: Have you ever tried to iron one?
Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: Chicken's day off.
Q: What was the elephant doing on the motorway?
A: About 5 mph (8kph in the rest of the world)
Q: How do you get an elephant into a VW?
A: Open the car door, put the elephant inside, close the door.
Q: What's more difficult than getting a pregnant elephant in a VW bug?
A: Getting an elephant pregnant in a VW bug.
Q: How do you put an elephant into a fridge?
A: Open the VW door, take the elephant out, close the VW door, open the fridge, put the elephant inside, close the fridge.
Q: How do you get 4 elephants into a Volkswagen bug?
A: 2 in the front and 2 in the back
Q: How do you know if there is an elephant in your fridge?
A: Footprints in the butter.
Q: How do you know if there are 2 elephants in your fridge?
A: Two sets of footprints in the butter.
Q: How do you know if there are 3 elephants in your fridge?
A: Can't get the fridge door closed.
Q: How do you know if there are 4 elephants in your fridge?
A: There's a VW bug parked outside it.
Q: How do you get 8(!) elephants in a fridge?
A: Put four in a VW, four in another VW, put the two VW's in the fridge. A fridge large enough to hold two elephants can surely hold two VW's!
Q: How do you get Tarzan in the fridge?
A: Open door, get two VW's out, put Tarzan in, close door.
Q: How do you know Tarzan is in the fridge?
A: you can hear Tarzan scream OYOYOYOIYOIYOOOOOO
Q: How do you get two Tarzans in the fridge?
A: You can't, silly. There is only one Tarzan!
Q: Why are there so many elephants running around free in the jungle?
A: The fridge isn't not large enough to hold them all.
Q: How many elephants can you actually put in a fridge?
A: Depends on the number of elephants.
Q: What did the fifth elephant in the VW bug discover?
A: The sun roof.
Q: The Lion (Animal king) gathered all the animals for a meeting, all of them showed up except the elephants. Why?
A: They were stuck in the VW bug.
Q: How many giraffes can you fit in a VW bug?
A: None, the elephants are in there!
Q: What do you call two elephants on a bicycle?
A: Optimistic!
Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into the city?
A: Free Parking.
Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into work?
A: Sole use of the elevator.
Q: What do you do with an elephant with three balls?
A: Walk him and pitch to the giraffe!
Q: How do you know if there is an elephant in the pub?
A: It's bike is outside.
Q: How do you know if there are two elephants in the pub?
A: There is a dent in the cross-bar.
Q: How do you know if there are three elephants in the pub?
A: Stand on the bike and have a look in the window.
Q. Why do elephants wear tiny green hats?
A. To sneak across a pool table without being seen.
Q: How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don't be stupid, elephants can't change light bulbs.
Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A: A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A: Bloody great holes all over Australia.
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
A: Elephino.
Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.
Q: Why do elephants wear sandals?
A: So that they don't sink in the sand.
Q: Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.
Q. What is the difference between an elephant and a blueberries?
A. They're both blue, except for the elephant.
Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw 1,000 elephants coming over the hill?
A: "Look, there's 1,000 elephants coming over the hill."
Q: What did Jane say?
A: Here come the blueberries. (Jane was color blind)
Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw 1,000 elephants with sunglasses on, coming over the hill?
A: Nothing, he didn't recognize them.
Q: How do you make a dead elephant float?
A: Well, you take 10 dead elephants, 10 tons of chocolate ice-cream, 5 tons of bananas,.....
Q: How do you get an elephant on top of an oak tree?
A: Stand him on an acorn and wait fifty years.
Q: What if you don't want to wait fifty years?
A: Parachute him from an airplane.
Q: Why isn't it safe to climb oak trees between 2 and 4 in the afternoon?
A: That's when the elephants are skydiving.
Q: Why are pygmies so short?
A: They climb oak trees between 2 and 4 in the afternoon.
Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?
A: From stamp out forest fires.
Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: From stamp out flaming ducks.
Q: Why are elephants feet shaped that way?
A: To fit on lily pads.
Q: Why isn't it safe to go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon?
A: That's when the elephants are walking on the lily pads.
Q: Why are frogs so short?
A: They go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon.
Q: Why shouldn't you go into the woods at 5 o'clock?
A: Because that is when the elephants practice their parachute jumping.
Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
A: 5 O'clock (trick question - not "Time to get a new fence..)
Q: Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
A: So that they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard.
Q: Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?
A: No? Well, it must work.
Q: What do you know when you see three elephants walking down the street wearing pink sweatshirts?
A: They're all on the same team
Q: Why won't they allow elephants in public swimming pools?
A: Because they might let down their trunks.
Q: What do you call any elephant who is an expert on skin disorders?
A: A pachydermatologist.
Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit card.
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