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Digital circuits are made from analog parts.
Is a computer language with goto's totally Wirth-less?
He who hesitates is last.
Chaste makes waste.
An engineer is someone who does list processing in Fortran.
A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.
Any IC protected by a fast acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
Neutrinos have bad breadth.
Programmers get overlaid.
In case of injury notify your superior immediately - He'll kiss it and make it better!
GIVE: Support the helpless victims of computer error.
Charlie was a chemist, but Charlie is no more. What Charlie thought was H2O was H2SO4.
Breeding rabbits is a hare raising experience.
Shift to the left, shift to the right, mask in, mask out, BYTE, BYTE, BYTE !!!
People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.
Friction is a drag.
What fools these morals be!
Wernher von Braun settled for a V-2 when he coulda had a V-8.
Love America - or give it back.
Your program is sick! Shoot it and put it out of its memory.
Biology grows on you.
Blame Saint Andreas - its all his fault.
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
A mouse is an elephant built by the Japanese.
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
Go climb a gravity well.
A man's best friend is his dogma.
A penny saved is ridiculous.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
I disagree with what you say, but will defend to the death your right to tell such LIES!
Every interesting program has at least one variable, one branch, and one loop.......... And at least one bug!
No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
Chemistry professors never die, they just smell that way!
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.
If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.
Please keep your hands off the secretary's reproducing equipment.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Invest in physics - own a piece of Dirac!
We have a equal opportunity Calculus class -- it's fully integrated.
Kiss me twice. I'm schizophrenic.
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn!
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
An elephant is a mouse built to Mil-spec.
Somebody's terminal is dropping bits. I found a pile of them over in the corner.
If it works, Don't fix it.
Alex Haley was adopted!
He who always plows a straight furrow is in a rut.
Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over.
Gravity brings me down.
When you're up to your hips in alligators, You forget the original project was to drain the swamp.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
Help stamp out and abolish redundancy!
Be a better psychiatrist and the world will beat a psychopath to your door.
He who steps on others to reach the top has good balance.
Lake Erie died for your sins.
While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
You scratch my tape, and I'll scratch yours.
The cost of feathers has risen.... Now even down is up!
He keeps differentiating.... flying off on a tangent.
May all your PUSHes be POPped.
COLE's LAW - Thinly sliced cabbage.
Do married women make the best wives?
Three can keep a secret, if two are dead.
Morfy's law - Enythink thit ken go rong willl.
Mount St. Helens should have used earth control.
Then there was the Formosan bartender named Taiwan-On.
He who laughs last is probably your boss.
Orcs really aren't so bad (if you use lots of catsup).
It is hard to fly with the eagles When you work with the turkeys.
Basic is a high level languish.
Prunes give you a run for your money.
Drilling for oil is boring.
Eat prune yogurt for that "get up and go" feeling.
More people have died in Teddy Kennedy's car than in nuclear power plants.
Teachers have class.
Found on a door in the MSU music building: This door is baroquen, please wiggle Handel. (If I wiggle Handel, will it wiggle Bach?)
The solution of this problem is trivial and is left as an exercise for the reader.
Sooner or later you must pay for your sins. (Those who have already paid may disregard this cookie).
Constants aren't; variables don't.
You ain't learning nothing when you're talking.
Chemistry professors never die, they just fail to react.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Depart in pieces.... i.e., Split.
Next time, give "the gift that keeps on giving": a female kitten.
Mobius strippers never show you their back side.
Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax.
Klein bottle for rent - inquire within.
Confucious say: "Is stuffy inside fortune cookie."
Computer programmers never die, they just get lost in the processing.
Neutrinos are into physicists.
On the wall of the women's restroom on the Enterprise: "Where no man has gone before"
Celibacy is NOT hereditary.
Our houseplants have a good sense of humous.
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
Programming Department: Mistakes made while you wait.
Microbiology Lab: Staph Only!
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Neuroses are red, Melancholia's blue.
I'm schizophrenic, What are you?
Keep your mouth shut and people will think you stupid; Open it and you remove all doubt.
Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
Weekend, where are you?
Acid consumes 47 times its weight in excess reality.
LSD melts your mind, not in your hand.
Individualists unite!
Money is the root of all wealth.
Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
The moon may be smaller than Earth, but it's further away.
Remember, the fact that you're paranoid doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you!
Men have many faults, Women only two: Everything they say, And everything they do!
Happiness is twin floppies.
Happiness is a hard disk.
Teamwork is vital! (It gives you someone to blame.)
Keep America Beautiful.... emigrate.
If all men were brothers, would you let one marry your sister?
I'm all for computer dating, But I wouldn't want one to marry my sister.
If you eat yogurt you'll have lots of culture.
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can make a fool of yourself anytime.
Let us remember that ours is a nation of lawyers and order.
People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.
Laugh and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Astronauts are out to launch.
If you are what you eat, does that mean Euelle Gibbons really was a nut?
Be alert, America needs more lerts.
Joseph Stalin's grave was a Communist Plot.
There is no such thing as a "Fail Safe" design.
No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck.
Winning isn't everything, but then losing is nothing.
Don't ask me; I was hired for my looks.
Engineers do it precisely. Technicians do it a lot.
Computer Engineers do it bit by bit.
All I ask for is an opportunity to prove that money doesn't buy happiness.
Poverty is the root of all evil.
If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary form.
To every rule there is an exception, and vice versa.
Archaeologists take sedimental journeys.
Remember, the paper is always strongest at the perforations.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Smile! It makes people wonder what you've been up to.
Smile! Things can only get worse.
After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
All requests for sick leave must be approved two weeks in advance.
There are two kinds of people in this world: Those that want to BE something, and those that want to DO something. (There is less competition in the second category.)
Drop the vase and it will become a Ming of the past.
Vice Versa - poems about brothels?
Give a woman an inch and she'll park a car in it. Give a speculator an inch and he'll build a condo.
Gargling twice daily is a good way to see if your neck leaks.
Rubbing hair restorer into your scalp is a good way to insure hairy fingers.
Preventing baldness is simple. Just knot your hair from the inside.
Even though one keeps his nose to the grindstone, it does not mean that he is good for anything besides cutting bread with his nose.
There's no fuel like an old fuel.
Old bakers never die, they just quit making dough.
Old doughnut makers never die, they just get tired of the whole business.
Did you say your uncle kicked the bucket? No, he just turned a little pail.
Chemists have solutions.
Note to mothers: when diapering your babies, don't do anything rash.
Geometer turned general - a sphereless leader.
Old bakers never die, you just can't get a rise out of them.
Hasty schizophrenics do things in a lickity split way.
Sado-necro-bestiality is beating a dead horse.
Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.
A linguist thought it a farce
That memory space was so sparse.
One day they increased it.
Said he as he seized it:
"At last! Enough core for the parse".
Computer actors will never be great; they only get bit parts!
Indecision is the basis of flexibility.
We are not punished for our sins, but by them.
Middle Age: Halfway between adolescence and obsolescence!
A zygote is a gamete's method of producing more gametes. This may be the purpose of the universe.
If God had intended man to have computers, he would have given him 16 fingers.
All work and no play, will make you a manager.
If we can't fix it - its broken!
Is it Friday yet?
Engineers never die - They just lose their tolerance.
To do is to be. -- Nietzsche
To be is to do. -- Kant
Do be do be do. -- Sinatra
Roses are red;
Violets are blue.
I'm schizophrenic,
And so am I.
You can never get rid of a bad temper by losing it.
Would the last person to leave Michigan please turn out the lights?
Did Mt. St. Helens make Seattle Wash. ?
186,000 mps: It's not just a good idea -- It's the law.
I'm an influential person - gravitationally speaking.
If you knew what Mona Lisa knew, you'd smile too.
The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.
The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
Israel's actions are often Suez-cidal.
Nice computers don't go down.
The shortest distance between two points is usually under construction.
To be born rich is an accident; to die rich is a miracle.
Chicken feed is what most of our nest eggs have turned into.
Nothing makes a politician forget campaign promises faster than being elected.
Behind every successful man you'll find a woman with nothing to wear.
Prosperity is when your conversation changes from car pools to swimming pools.
In a fight between you and the world, back the world.
The perfect secretary is one who types fast and runs slow.
A fool and your money are soon partners.
Win or lose, you lose.
Lt. Uhura says: "Subspace Communications- It's the next best thing to beaming there!"
Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semi-colons;
Every program is part of some other program and rarely fits.
It is easier to write an incorrect program than to understand a correct one.
Everything should be built top-down, except the first time.
Every program has (at least) two purposes: the one for which it was written and another for which it wasn't.
Once you understand how to write a program get someone else to write it.
Structured Programming supports the law of the excluded muddle.
There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
In software systems it is often the early bird that makes the worm.
The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland"; but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
A LISP programmer knows the value of everything, but the cost of nothing.
An adequate bootstrap is a contradiction in terms.
If your computer speaks English it was probably made in Japan.
A year spent in Artificial Intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
Prolonged contact with computers turns mathematicians into clerks and vice versa.
In computing, turning the obvious into the useful is a living definition of the word 'frustration'.
We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last theorem!
The computer is the ultimate polluter: its feces are indistinguishable from the food it produces.
The proof of a system's value is its existence.
The debate rages on: Is PL/I Bachtrian or Dromedary?
Editing is a rewording activity.
Why did the Roman Empire collapse? What's the Latin for office automation?
Computer Science is embarrassed by the computer.
In seeking the unattainable, simplicity only gets in the way.
Epigrams are macros, since they are executed at read time.
COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods.
Economics is called the dismal science, but that's just because most economists are dismal scientists.
Crime wouldn't pay, if the government ran it.
Streakers repent! Your end is in sight.
How can you tell when a Burroughs salesman is lying? When his lips move.
We will release no software before its time.
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