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Lists, Lists, all kinds of Lists!
Thoughts to get you Through Almost any Crisis A Dog's Life Alcohol at Work Bad Old Days BBS Commandments Beer is Better than Women Biggest Corporate Lies Bumper Stickers Cars They Drive.. You Know You're Drinking Too Much Coffee... Why Coffee is Better Than Women Computer Terminology Construction Trade Definitions Cooking Terminology Country Song Titles Coworkers Hunter's Diary Dieting Tips Do It... Dog Rules More Dog Rules Driving in Boston Driving Tips Elephant Jokes Fun Things to do in an Elevator Euphemisms for Farting FAQ on Women Funny Sayings Getting in Shape Golf Laws Great to be a Guy! Halloween Safety Hangover Rating Scale Home Improvement Tips Horoscopes Rules for Hunting Attorneys In MY Day... Interesting facts Joy of Language Kitchen Philosophy LA Math Test Ladies VS Real Women Light bulb Jokes 1 Light bulb Jokes 2 Light bulb Jokes 3 Light bulb Jokes 4 Light bulb Jokes 5 Lists 2 Lists 3 Look Busy! Macho driving Management Code Phrases Middle Age Murphy's Laws More Murphy's Laws You Know You're Drunk When... You Might be a Police Officer if... Friends... and Southern Friends	Mother Taught Me... My Dick is SO Big... Preparation for Parenthood The Bill of no Rights Officer Fitness Reports Parenthood Philosophies of Life Pig Orgasm Pipe Specifications police translator What I've Learned from Watching Porn Procrastinator's Creed Raising Children Remember 1957 Remember When... Rules for Stray Cats Rules of Combat Rules of the Air Rules of the South How to Practice Safe FAX The Most Functional Word... Silly Signs Snappy Comebacks Snappy Comebacks and Sayings Sniglets Spoiled Food Stupid as... Third Biggest Lie Traffic School Warning of Excessive Alcohol Consumption Your Mama... Your Dog's New Year's Resolutions Men and Women The Beer Bill of Rights WOW! Bumperstickers Galore! You Might be a Grad Student... Dating Around the World Canonical List of "You Might be a Redneck if..." Top Ten Things to never say to a Woman during an argument A Real Man, The British Version New Rules for these Modern Times! A Good Democrat House Cleaning Tips Things Adults Learn From Kids 30 Things Stressed Women may say Hints & Tips for Adults Movie & TV Truisms The Puke List Never...! Tools and How They are Used Top 13 Rejected Country Song Titles German Motoring Phrases Tips For Women

FAQ about Mad Cow disease Q. If I drink milk from an infected cow, will it harm me? A. Of course not. I drink 5 glasses of milk a day and it doesn't bither me a bot. I am the same today as I was tomorrow. Q. So how can I tell if I am infected from this meat? A. They say memory is affected. What was your question? Q. What can you do with infected cattle? Killing them seems so inhumane. A. Well I have 6 in my backyard and they think they are a herd of geese. Q. Is it true the infected cows come from Canada? A. Let's listen to the cows and see..... Eh Mooo eh moo, eh meow Q. Are there any infected cows in Quebec? A. Again let's listen.... Le Moo, Le Moo, Le meow Q. Can this disease be sexually transmitted? A. Buddy if you ask this question, switch to sheep. Q. How can you detect Mad cow disease in a bull? A. He would be the one wearing high heels.
	Times When the "F" Word was Appropriate "What the fuck was that?" - Mayor of Hiroshima "Where did all these fucking Indians come from?" - General Custer "Any fucking idiot could understand that." - Albert Einstein "It does so fucking look like her!" - Pablo Picasso "How the fuck did you work that out?" - Pythagoras "You want WHAT on the fucking ceiling?" - Michelangelo "I don't suppose its gonna fucking rain?" - Joan of Arc "Scattered fucking showers...my ass." - Noah
Little Golden Books That Never Made It 1. You Are Different And That's Bad 2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables 3. Dad's New Wife Robert 4. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her 5. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence 6. All Cats Go To Hell 7. The Little Sissy Who Snitched 8. Some Kittens Can Fly 9. That's It, I'm Putting You Up For Adoption 10. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator 11. Strangers Have The Best Candy 12. You Were an Accident 13. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will 14. Pop! Goes the Hamster...And Other Microwave Games 15. The Man In The Moon Is Actually Satan 16. Your Nightmares Are Real 17. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things 18. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry 19. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Mrs. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
	Yeah, Sure... 13. The check is in the mail. 12. You get this one, I'll pay next time. 11. You look great! 10. Of course I love you! 9. It's not the money, it's the principle of the thing. 8. ...but we can still be good friends. 7. She means nothing to me. 6. Don't worry, I can go another 20 miles when the gauge is on "empty." 5. Don't worry, he's never bitten anyone. 4. I'll call you later. 3. I've never done anything like this before. 2. I'm from your government, and I am here to help you. 1. Please hold, your call is important to us...
Words of Wisdom: Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. What happens if you get scared half to death twice? Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. The things that come to those that wait are the things left by those who got in first. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane
	Why'd the woman cross the road? Because the man told her too. Why'd the woman cross the road? That's not the point, why the fuck is she out of the kitchen. What the difference between a dog and a woman whining outside the house? When you let the dog in it stops whining.
FAQ About Women Q: Why did God give men penises? A: So there would be at least one way to shut a woman up. Q: What's the difference between a paycheck and your dick? A: You don't have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck. Q: How is a woman like a laxative? A: They both irritate the shit out of you. Q: What are the small bumps around a woman's nipple for? A: It's Braille for "suck here." Q: Why do men generally die before their wives? A: Because they want to. Q: Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women? A: He died laughing before he could tell anybody. Q: What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull? A: Lipstick. Q: Why do women have tits? A: So men will talk to them. Q: What's the difference between a woman and a coffin? A: You come in one and go in the other. Q: Why do women close their eyes during sex? A: They can't stand seeing a man have a good time. Q: What's 6" long, 2" wide and drives women wild? A: Money. Q: Why did the Army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf? A: They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days. Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women? A: When they come, they're wild and wet; but when they go, they take your house and car with them. Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job? A: After 5 years, your job will still suck. Q: What's the best thing about a blow job? A: Ten minutes of silence.
	BENTONVILLE, ARKANSAS-Wal-Mart customers will soon be able to sample a new discount item--Wal-Mart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery of Modesto, California, to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $2 - $5 range. While wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand wine into their shopping carts, "There is a large market for cheap wine," said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at R. Williams University in Bristol, R.I. "The right name is definitely important." So, here we go...The TOP 12 suggested names for Wal-Mart Wine... 12) Chateau Traileur Parc 11) White Trashfindel 10) Big Red Gulp 9) Grape Expectations 8) Domaine Wal-Mart "Merde du Pays" 7) NASCARbernet 6) Chef Boyardeaux 5) Peanut Noir 4) Chateau des Moines 3) I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar! 2) World Championship Riesling And the # 1 suggested name for Wal-Mart Wine... 1) Nasti Spumante
Irritations in life - I hate: 1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? 2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually. 3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Fucking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it? 4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? 5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?" No tosser, I paid œ10 to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking floor. 6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine? 7. When something is "new and improved"! Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it. 8. When people say "life is short." What the fuck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does!! What can you do that's longer? 9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus had come would I be standing here, Knobhead?
	Top Country Songs of 2001 15. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two on you. 14. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me. 13. How Can I Miss You If you Won't Go Away? 12. I Liked You Better Before I Knew you So Well. 11. I Still Miss you, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better. 10. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid she'd win. 9. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight. 8. I'm So Miserable Without You; It's Like Having You here. 7. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now. 6. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss him. 5. She Got The Ring, And I Got The Finger. 4. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly. 3. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure. 2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer. And the No. 1 favorite country song is: 1. I Haven't Gone To Bed With Any Ugly Women, But I've sure woke up with a few.
A UNLV Top Ten List Here are the top 10 courses taken by basketball players at UNLV, as selected by the staff of Late Night with David Letterman: 10. Investing your illegal recruiting money wisely. 9. NBA team mascots: Are they really big animals? 8. Naming the Presidents since Kennedy. 7. The hydraulic principles of the keg. 6. Your ass from a hole in the ground: a comparative study. 5. The college classroom: a simulation. 4. Nudie paintings from the olden days. 3. Copying off the exam of the Asian guy in front of you. 2. How to spell Tarkanian. And the number one course.... 1. How to choose the best free car.
	You're not old unless you can remember: What you do with the pointed end of a can opener. When there was no McDonalds. When you dressed up to fly on an airliner. When you could watch the engines start on an airliner. When candy bars cost a nickel. When comic books cost 10 cents (and how traumatic it was when the price went up to 12 cents, then 15 cents). When you actually got up out of the couch to change the channel on the TV. When there were only four other channels to change to, five if you adjusted the antenna. When whole communities were mass vaccinated against polio. Where you were when you heard JFK had been shot. When VWs broke the $2000 barrier. When John Glenn went into space the first time. When you drank milk through a Flav-R-Straw. When you did calculations with a slide rule, an adding machine, and/or a table of sines, cosines, and logarithms. When this year's new cars looked different from last year's, and when different makes of cars looked different. When car radios were AM only. When paperback books were 25 cents. When you watched "Today on the Farm" on TV before going to school.
You Know You're a Ham if : - You buy electrical black tape in ten packs. - You've stripped wire with your teeth. - You've told your son that, "One day, all this will be yours", and he doesn't respond. - You'd rather help a buddy put up a new tower than mow the lawn. - You've grabbed the wrong end of a soldering iron. - You start giving out RST reports when you are on the telephone. - The propagation forecast means far more to you than the local weather forecast. - The microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix it. - You tell the XYL, when she notices a new rig in the shack, why that has been there for years. - Your watch is set only to UTC. - At night, when you pray, it starts off something like: CQ CQ CQ GOD DE (your callsign). - You ever had to patch your roof after an antenna project. - Ham radio magazines comprise more than 50% of your bathroom library. - You ever put a GPS tracker in the XYL's car, just so you could watch her on APRS. - You and the XYL took a cruise so you could visit the radio room. - You ever tapped out Hi in Morse on your car horn to another ham. - You ever had an antenna fall down. - Your teenager refuses to ride in your car because it looks like a porcupine. - You know the Latitude and Longitude of your home QTH. - You go into the local Radio Shack store and the clerk asks you where something is.
	14 Ways to Cope With Stress 1. Jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and sneeze them out. See how many you can do at once. 2. Use your MasterCard to pay your Visa bill and vice-versa. 3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on. 4. When someone says "have a nice day," tell them you have other plans. 5. Make a list of things you have already done. 6. Dance naked in front of your pets. 7. Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send them off to pre-school as if nothing is wrong. 8. Fill out your tax form using Roman numerals. 9. Leaf through a NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC magazine and draw underwear on the natives. 10. Tattoo "out to lunch" on your forehead. 11. Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in them. Return them the next day. 12. Pay your electric bill in pennies. 13. Drive to work in reverse. 14. Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.
Sure-fire pick-up lines: "If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?" "I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feedbag." "How 'bout we play lion and lion-tamer. You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the meat." "You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away." "You're like a championship bass. I don't know whether to mount you or eat you." "I'd like to screw your brains out, but it looks like someone beat me to it." "That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were one, I'd be coming too!" "I can't find my puppy, could you help me find him? I think he went into this hotel room . . . "

Lists, Lists, all kinds of Lists!