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* You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.
* You want to take out a contract on the kid who broke your son's favorite toy car and make him cry.
* (for Mom's only!) You only have time to shave one leg at a time.
* You hide in the bathroom just to get some alone-time.
* Your child spits up and you catch it.
* Someone else's kid spits up at a party and you go right on eating.
* You consider fingerpaint to be a controlled substance.
* You've mastered the art of placing large amounts of scrambled eggs and pancakes on the same plate without anything "touching".
* You don't allow your kids to play with any weapon-toys, and your child chews his toast into the shape of a gun.
* You hope ketchup is a vegetable because it's the only one your child eats.
* You manage not to laugh when your 5 year old boy confides in you his suspicion that his penis has bones inside.
* You con your kid into thinking that FAO Schwartz is a toy MUSEUM and not really a store.
* You fast-forward through the scene where Bambi's mom gets killed.
* You hear YOUR parents voice when it's you that screams "Not in THOSE clothes you don't!"
* You hire a sitter because the two of you haven't been out in ages, then spend half the night calling home to check on the kids.
* Rock concerts give you a headache;
and finally, you KNOW you're a victim of Advanced Parenthood when...
* You start offering to cut up other people's food for them!
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