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1. A beer delayed is a beer denied.
2. A beer in need is a beer indeed.
3. A mind may be a terrible thing to waste, but a waist is a terrible thing to mind.
4. Alcohol is not a problem, until you can't get any.
5. Alcoholism is not a disease, it's a goal.
6. All cats are grey in the dark.
7. All women are beautiful, some are just less beautiful than others.
8. Any more than three shakes is fun.
9. Do it once, do it right, and _m_a_y_b_e she'll let you do it again.
10. Don't drink and drive, get all of your drinking done before you get behind the wheel.
11. Don't drink and drive, you might spill it.
12. Don't get caught with your pants down when the lights come on.
13. Don't let the little guy think for the big guy. (Similar)
14. Don't let your dick rule your life.
15. Don't waste beer, there are sober people in India.
16. Fat, drunk, and stupid is the only way to go through life.
17. Get drunk and be somebody else.
18. Girl's suck, until you ask them to.
19. I drink, therefore I am!
20 I may not be able to walk, but I drive from the sitting position.
21. I never met a woman I couldn't drink pretty.
22. I'd rather have a bottle in front of me then a frontal lobotomy.
23. I'll never ever not drink again!!!
24. If it didn't stink, they wouldn't call it shit.
25. If we don't drink it, someone else will.
26. If you must drink and drive, drink excessively, drive fast, and take the most indirect route.
27. It was a woman who first drove me to drink, and I never did stop to thank her.
28. Life's a bitch, then you marry one.
29. Never get married in the morning, you'll never know who you'll meet that night.
30. No machine can replace man until it learns to drink!
31. Only use moderation in moderation. (A rule of life)
32. The only time I refused a drink I didn't understand the question.
33. When in doubt, drink heavily.
34. Women, can't live with them, can't leave them by the curb when you're done with 'em.
35. You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can never fool your dad.
36. You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose.
37. You can prick your finger, but never finger your prick.
38. You could do that, but it would be wrong.
39. You're not an alcoholic unless you go to the meetings.
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