Puns and Wordplay
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More Puns and Wordplay
Tollgate
Boothpaste
Vampire Slayer
The Floss Plant
The Red Blood Corpuscle |
Mosquitoes
The Prawn
Lucky four Leaf Clover
The Girl on the Beach
A New Lice on Leaf |
Do you know someone who seems to know everything? When asked why, they say, "A little birdie told me."
Did you know they probably aren't lying? It is a little known fact that there are little birds that fly very fast, are never seen, and they are everywhere. - Thus, these creatures are called "Flies Unseen Everywhere" or FUE for short.
These birds have an extensive communications network, and they can generally find out anything from anywhere quite quickly. Some of these birds befriend certain individuals and communicate with them by making clucking sounds, much like a chicken. They are not dumb like chickens, however, and can establish a sort of clucking language with the lucky person they befriend.
This person is then the one who is always in the know; one step ahead of the competition. And those people who seem to be in the dark? Those who just don't get it? Those who's standard response to any given question is, "Huh?"
Why I think it should be pretty obvious to all, now, that the reason is simply because they don't have a clucking FUE. Do you know someone who seems to know everything? When asked why, they say, "A little birdie told me."
Did you know they probably aren't lying? It is a little known fact that there are little birds that fly very fast, are never seen, and they are everywhere. - Thus, these creatures are called "Flies Unseen Everywhere" or FUE for short.
These birds have an extensive communications network, and they can generally find out anything from anywhere quite quickly. Some of these birds befriend certain individuals and communicate with them by making clucking sounds, much like a chicken. They are not dumb like chickens, however, and can establish a sort of clucking language with the lucky person they befriend.
This person is then the one who is always in the know; one step ahead of the competition. And those people who seem to be in the dark? Those who just don't get it? Those who's standard response to any given question is, "Huh?"
Why I think it should be pretty obvious to all, now, that the reason is simply because they don't have a clucking FUE. |
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See if you can do this.
Read this out loud.
Dr. Suess' lost tongue twisters:
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is dumbass cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat
Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the start.
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When things go wrong
As they usually will,
And your daily road
Seems all up hill
When funds are low
And debts are high,
When you try to smile
But can only cry
And you really feel
You'd like to quit ....
Don't run to me:
I don't give a shit. |
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Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding.
Their life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.
Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident.
Question: Who was the survivor?
(Scroll down for the answer.)
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Answer: The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.
**** Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke. Men keep scrolling.
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Since there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.
Men Keep scrolling
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By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this illustrates another point: Women never listen.
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