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Carnac the Magnificent!

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A: Clean air, a virgin and a gas station open on Sunday.

Q: Name three things you won't find in Los Angeles.


A: Black and white and twenty feet tall.

Q: Describe Sister Mary Kong.

A: Gatorade.

Q: What does an alligator get on welfare?


A: Bible belt.

Q: What holds up Oral Roberts' pants?


A: Milk and honey.

Q: What do you get from a bee that has an udder?

A: Ben Gay.

Q: Why didn't Mrs. Franklin have any kids?


A: An unmarried woman.

Q: What was Elizabeth Taylor between 3:00 and 5:00 pm on June 1, 1952?


A: Disjoint.

Q: What was dat hippie smoking?


A: The Laughing Policeman.

Q: What do you call a cop who frisks himself?


A: Dustin Hoffman.

Q: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman.


A: Until he gets caught.

Q: How long does a United States Congressman serve?


A: Old wives tale.

Q: What do cannibals find hard to digest?


A: Rub-a-dub-dub.

Q: What does a masseuse do to your dub-dub?


A: Shareholder.

Q: What did Sonny Bono used to be?


A: Scallywags.

Q: What does your skally do when it's happy?


A: David Frost.

Q: On a cold morning what forms on your David?


A: Head and shoulders.

Q: What do you see if you open the trunk of the Godfather's car?


A: Hickory Dickory Dock.

Q: Who do you go to when you have a pain in your hickory dickory?


A: "Rose Bowl."

Q: What do you say when it's Rose's turn at the bowling alley?


A: That darn cat.

Q: Who ruined that darn rug?


A: High rollers.

Q: Describe a stoned bowling team.


A: Gunga din.

Q: What do you hear when you put an amplifier in your gunga?


A: "Follow the yellow brick road."

Q: What are good directions to a urologist's office?


A: At both ends.

Q: Where do New Yorkers put their dog's muzzles?


A: Igloo.

Q: What do you use to keep your wig from falling off?


A: R-O-L-A-I-D-S.

Q: How does a stupid person spell "backgammon"?


A: Grape Nuts.

Q: What are Ernest and Julio Gallo?


A: Supervisor.

Q: What does Clark Kent wear to keep the sun out of his eyes?


A: Crabgrass.

Q: What do crabs get high on?


A: Shake-N-Bake.

Q: Describe a double feature with Earthquake and The Towering
Inferno.


A: Blazing Saddles.

Q: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch?


A: Flypaper.

Q: What do you use to gift wrap a zipper?


A: Deep freeze.

Q: Name an Eskimo porno film.

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