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1.
Pull up your droopy pants. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called
a "gravel road". I drive a pickup truck because I need to. No matter how
slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out
of the way.
3. They are horses, cattle, saw mills &
oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like jobs to us.
Get over it. Don't like it? I-90 and I-94 go East and West, I-15 goes North
and South. Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 dollar car.
We're impressed. We have quarter-million dollar, air conditioned tractors
that we drive 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person, in every pickup
truck, waves. It's called being friendly, try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a
flock of geese is coming in, we will shoot the phone out of your hand. You
better hope you don't have it up to your ear.
7. Yeah, we eat walleye & rainbow trout.
You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day
of deer season. It's a religious holiday, held the closest Sunday to the
first of November.
9. In Montana, it is not trendy and is
considered very, very unsafe to criticize the USA. God bless John Wayne,
Elvis Presley, Audrey Murphy, Cary Grant, Charlton Heston, and Jimmy Stewart
but the rest of Hollywood is not welcome here.
10. No, there is not a "vegetarian
special" on the menu. Order steak or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick
off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are
three main dishes: meats, POTATOS, and breads. We use three spices: salt,
pepper, and Alpine Touch.
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it
better be brown, wet, & served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my
house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long
hair.
13. High School Football is as important
here, as the Vikings and the Seattle Seahawks--And more fun to watch.
14. Colleges? Try Montana State or the
University of Montana. They come out of there with an education--Plus a love
for God and country.
15. We have a higher percentage of folks
in the Navy, Army, Marines, & Air Force than any other state, so "Don't Mess
with Montana." If you do, it will get your a** kicked.
16. Many of us are loggers, mill
workers, ranchers & miners. For well over a century, we have helped supply
beef for your tables, metals for cars, coal for electricity, wood for your
homes & paper to wipe your sissy a**es. Don't come here and tell us to stop
working so you can re-make the whole State into your own no-hunting park.
17. Remember, you came here because
Montana is different. It will be kept that way. We don't need or want more
shopping malls, housing developments or juice bars.
18. Don't try to use your imported money
to re-make Montana into the image of where you just left. If you feel this
need, go back home. And yes we do hate you for buying up all of our
lake-front properties.
19. Above all, if you are a lawyer or
anti-gun nut, just stay away. We are very aware of the fact that attorneys
have created a major industry, out of lawsuits & babying criminals with
guns. We are hunters and responsible gun lovers.
20. P.S.--Grizzlies are eagerly
encouraged to eat out-of-staters.
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