TO ALL EMPLOYEES
SUBJECT: DEATH OF EMPLOYEES
It has been brought to our attention that many employees are dying and refusing to fall over after they are dead. THIS MUST STOP! On and after this date, any employee found standing up after he has died will be dropped from the payroll within 90 days. When it can be proved that the employee is being supported by a post, an additional 90 days will be granted. If, after several hours, it is noticed that an employee has not moved or changed position, the supervisor will investigate. Because of the highly sensitive nature or our employees, and the close resemblance between death and their natural working attitude, the investigation will be made quietly, so as not to disturb the employee if he is just sleeping.
SUPERVISORS NOTE: If some doubt exists as to the true condition of the employee, extending a pay envelope is a fine test. If the employee does not reach for the envelope, it may be assumed that he is dead. In some cases the instinct is so strongly developed, however, that a spasmodic clutch or reflex motion may be encountered.
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