Christmas Watchdog
Tonight's my first night as a watchdog, And here it is Christmas Eve. The children are sleeping all cozy upstairs, While I'm guarding the stockin's and tree.
What's that now - footsteps on the rooftop? Could it be a cat or a mouse? Who's this down the chimney? A thief with a beard, And a big sack for robbin' the house?
I'm barkin', I'm growlin', I'm bitin' his butt. He howls and jumps back in his sleigh. I scare his strange horses, they leap in the air, I've frightened the whole bunch away.
Now the house is all peaceful and quiet again, The stockin's are safe as can be. Won't the kiddies be glad when they wake up tomorrow, And see how I've guarded the tree?!
Christmas is weird!
What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
Walking
in a Doggie Wonderland
Dogs tags ring, are you listening?
In the lane, snow is glistening
It's yellow, NOT white;
I've been there tonight
Marking up my winter wonderland.
Smell that tree? That's my fragrance.
It's a sign for wand'ring vagrants;
"Avoid where I pee, it's MY property!
Marked up as my winter wonderland."
In the meadow dad will build a snowman,
Following the classic design.
Then I'll lift my leg and let it go man,
So all the world will know it's mine, mine, mine!
Straight from me to the fencepost
Flows my natural incense boast;
"Stay off my turf, this small piece of earth,
I mark it as my winter wonderland."
A Christmas Recipe
.... a drink to help you get through the family gatherings:
1 quart apple cider
5 apples
cinnamon
3 oranges
4 cloves
1 bottle Jim Beam
Give the cider, apples, cinnamon, oranges, and cloves to the children to
keep them occupied. Drink the Jim Beam straight from the bottle. Guaranteed
holiday cheer for all!
Holler Day
At the typical Christmas dinner, Mom is always yelling,
"Get out of my kitchen!"
The grown kids are always yelling at their tiny offspring, "Stop
running! You'll break Grandma's furniture!"
Dad is always yelling, "Get out of the way! I can't see the TV!"
The little ones are yelling, "It's my toy! Let me play with it!"
This is why this time of year is known as the 'Holler Day Season.'
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